An Endorsement

A piece of parchment sent to ADCO headquarters from an unknown location requested we release this letter from Claire Connolly.

"It is unfortunate that I cannot be with you today. I would like very much to be, but wherever I go, the cameras follow me, splashing pictures of me in the paper and running them alongside articles with the most hurtful of headlines like 'ADCO's very own vandal.' Though I am trying to leave my checkered past behind me, the press certainly won't let me forget.

"Nonetheless, I write to you today in good spirits. I write to you today with an endorsement that may feel unexpected but that is wholeheartedly my own.

"I, Claire, would like to endorse Lanier Jones for ADCO President."

[insert shocked gasps here]

"I know there was a time when I was fighting against Lanier and his regime. I know I said some hurtful things. But I write to you today a changed woman. I believe Lanier will lead this company to another 18 years of greatness.

"I want to encourage voters to give your support to Lanier. He is steadfast and true. And I want to encourage the remaining contenders to step down. Your attempts at the throne are misguided. Lanier is our true leader."

[insert angry cries of candidates here]

"Karen, you're overstepping your bounds; you're just a student, an intern. Step down. Jennifer, your hippie politics won't get us anywhere. Step down. Jessica, you don't even have an iphone. Stop living this lie, and step down.

"We must not be divided any longer. It's time for unity. So, ADCO candidates, I beg you, let Lanier lead us."

My friends, Claire has spoken.